No one wants to be a burden. You may feel ashamed, embarrassed or have any number of other uncomfortable feelings when asking for help. But, could your feelings be misguided?
Our western society puts a large value on “independence.” We may feel inadequate or incompetent when help is required. For people with vision loss, we may assume we are the stereotype: the person on the street panhandling, asking for something and giving nothing in return. Thoughts like these may be running through your mind. What will people think?
Or perhaps it’s because we feel we always are in need of help. Many of the routine tasks people take for granted aren’t something we can accomplish without lots of planning and extra help. Tasks like running out to the store to grab a couple of items you need for tonight’s dinner.
So how can we change or reframe this thought process? A recent research study conducted by Xuan Xhao, a research scientist from the Department of Psychology at Stanford University and published in Psychological Science, found that often when people are asked for help, they are generally willing to give it. On top of that, people who are asked for help feel better and happier about themselves for giving the help.
Think about a time when you have been able to provide help to someone else. Did you feel better about yourself? What positive feelings did you have after providing help? Try to look at the situation from the other perspective. Change your mindset from feeling vulnerable to the good feelings you are creating for the other person.
Unfortunately, you can’t get the help you need if you don’t ask. You may assume, for many different reasons, the person you are asking will say no. Of course, this is a possibility. They may be too busy or not know how to help. They may not want to invade your privacy or feel it is not their place to impose their thoughts on your needs. However, another Stanford 2013 study contradicts previous assumptions that humans are instinctively selfish and would not want to offer assistance. Rather, they found humans are prosocial animals and intuitively want to make a difference in someone’s life
No is a valid answer. You may feel rejected, but not asking definitely results in not getting the help. In this case, you can acknowledge their decision and move on, making sure you communicate that you accept and understand their decision.
To maximize your success in getting the support you need, keep these tips in mind:
In the end, trying to do it all on your own may be a possibility. It will take longer and you may become very frustrated. When you aski for help, it can give you a little breathing room to regroup, relax and get the job done. Remember the Beatles song – With a Little Help from My Friends!
Kathy is the Community Engagement Specialist at Second Sense